::: M Y - D E P T H - O F - I L L U S I O N S :::|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Thursday, July 30th, 2009|
|Life is a lonely place
I have grown
I don't remember
when my imagination
with my tears
I have done things
that give me pleasure
that makes me
permanently Current Mood: blank
|Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007|
|For the life that so demanding...
For the life that so demanding,
I get so weak.
Is it so hard understanding
Oh please, I don't know what to ramble.
I just hate myself, honestly and desperately.
There are no candles to light my way in the dead darkness.
Just a broken candle without a match in my broken hand.
My school life sucks!
I can't finish the stupid physic project that causes lots of misery.
The air filled with guilts and sadness.
My friends are crying out for a soft kiss of death.
I don't know how to cope with all the things that happening crazily to me.
I can't breathe, neither everyone else.
The fight is spinning around in my torassic cavity like a drama queen.
Rubbish things are dancing, my plain heart beats sure make them happy.
The exam's going to take place next week.
We've already learned nothing and are less than slightly ready for it.
at first i thought i'd post some photos from the church i visited last week but i'm not in the mood right now.
lise Current Mood: hopeless
|Sunday, December 31st, 2006|
|Happy New Year?
Oh please. Current Mood: crazy
I keep asking myself everytime people screaming 'Have you got any plan for New Year?' or 'Where will you be on New Year's eve??'
-- What's so special about New Year's Day?
I hanged out with my mother and little sister yesterday. We walked from MBK to Siam Discovery, Siam Centre where a famous band's gig took place (and that made me feel annoyed), Erawan Shopping centre and then from Central World to Central Chidlom. It was a pretty tough walk.
On the way, with the doubt about this silly event running in my head, I saw homeless and starving , they were like who they had been the previous day or the previous year. Nothing had got better or easier. I saw a beggar sitting in a corner of a street in a depth of loss and was surrounded by an enthusiastic crowd with idiotic smiles. I could tell that he was blind because of his haunting eyeballs. I guessed someone had put him there and were waiting until 11 pm to bring him back and keep all the money. My mom angrily told me to give him a bottle of water I had just bought and I did. Couple minutes later as we returned to take a photo of a colourful Happy New Year billboard, the bottle was no longer in his hand. I did not really know what to feel or to think, I mean what am i supposed to expect from this country? I also saw a foreigner sitting on a footbridge around Isetan. There was a plastic board in his hand,
'I need 4000 bahts to get home.(Holland)
I was cheated. Can you help me?
50-100? 500-1000? or work?'
This is what was written on the board. My mom gave my younger sister 100 bahts and told her to give him. He said thankyou quietly. We continued walking but my sister and I wondered if he lied. 'There are no differences between giving him money or donating at some temples. You girls have seen monks with mobile phones and cigarettes and a monk counting money with a can of beer in his hand. I myself don't know what that Dutch would do with the money as I never know where the money we donate goes. So just give and then leave. Do not worry about what's going to happen next. That's all. But we do hope that they won't do bad things,' said my mother. However, I would be crazy if I disagreed with her.
I saw many more things that night; such as, a group of lovely students trying to play some Christmas songs by flutes but a racket from a concert or a kind of outdoor show ruined their little hope to entertain people, and I could tell from most of camerawhores' smiles at Silom Road that people did not really know what Christmas Day or New Year's Day actually is.
If you ask me 'What is it then, know-it-all?' I might say that I don't know because I don't think you'd like to listen to a fimiliar story of a boy who was born in a manger because there was no room in an inn or a story that tells you there is 365 days a year and New Year's eve is the364th day, but at least I do care to figure out the definitions.
For me, New Year is
- an event that preps use their mobile phones all night and teenagers spend their parents' money on beers and getting into pubs and bars
- an excuse that adults can drink more beer and wine and alcohol though they drink it almost every minute in their lifetime
- a procrastination for lazy workers
- a perfect time to start new life and hope with a little faux feeling that things are going to get better by the next year for a weak person like me but I would be a big fat liar if I don't admit that I myself use this event as an excuse to spend a lot of money buying the most rubbish things, having an extravagant dinner and staying away from Maths exercise. I hate myself for being such stupid townie but sometimes I just need something to entertain myself and so do everyone else, so it is not their fault at all if they'd like to go out with their partners to see magnificent fireworks. (But they should never leave their parents at home alone!!)
(I suggest you'd better stop reading for now because I know what I am going to write will not impress you at all, even not a little. If you hate it when your boring auntie shouting frustratedly, or if you don't like listening to a weird girl who spend her time thinking something bizarre rambling about something unusual, please follow my suggestion.)
However, technically New Year Event is nothing but a date people suppose it is the first day of a year. EVERYTHING IS NOTHING. WE MAKE IT UP!
WE MAKE EVERYTHING UP! NOTHING IS REAL!
Nothing is yours or mine because one day we'll all get old and die and we cannot take or own anything, and though you find the way to avoid passing away, you cannot avoid the end of this world. The only thing we can believe in and is real is something called 'singularity' or 'a super massive hole'. And that is the end of the universe, the end of all the cosmic system we've named or even all the faux afflictions in emo songs. So, if you're thinking about moving to Mars or living in a special spaceship, STOP DAYDREAMING!, because this lovely universe must turn into a tiny massive dot that looks like a fullstop mark someday, sooner or later"."
Nothing is everything and everything is nothing, that's it!
Life is so sad! and life is also nothing!
Happy New Year for ones who want it.
|Monday, November 27th, 2006|
|My Chemical Romance
Good night, FOB AMA Current Mood: feeling so NUMB
Close your wearly eyes.
Let the misery kiss you goodbye..
beautiful night, isn't it..
lovely moon on the lovely sky..
a young girl shall spend tonight crying
the ache in her heart makes me feel like dying
i wanna shout as loud as i could,
"I WANT MY MTV!"
no, seriously this time, i really meant it.
but it will mean nothing after the ending of November.
I really miss MCR.
I cannot take it anymore, the feeling i hide.
It's my luck, isn't it?
'We've decided to discontinue MTV and VH1 from 1st Nov'
it did blow my mind..
I thought I would be able to admit it one day, though.
I thought it would be easier to stop the ONLY thing that kept me away from Goth.
Me: "Well, goths don't watch MTV"
Everyone: huh?? what about you? you do!
Me: "who tells you i'm goth?"
Everyone: we thought you were.
i've been hiding my feeling for some time
just because of watching MTV.
well, it's my luck.
My lovely November - without MTV..
My lovely November - MCR is doing very well.
My lovely November - Evanescence is an Artist of The Month.
it's my luck!!!!!!!!!!!!
personally, i think the Black Parade is more acceptable than before...
More acceptable, Less screaming.. (it's the same, dontchathink?)
honestly, i feel a lil bit uncomfortable
but as far as their lyrics mean something, i still love them
look at him, he's changed.
i'd like to say that i feel uncomfortable (again)
he's had his hair cut and dyed,
but he's the same fascinating Gerard.
i can sense that his eyes are the same ones..
i still love him and will love him forever.. i'm crying out for being his honeybunn!
I miss when people say 'who are they?'
but now, everyone seems to say 'Gerard is sooooo hawt!'
perhaps it's MTV fault, MTV has made MCR look like poseurs though they are gorgeous...
|Saturday, November 25th, 2006|
i feel so stupid lately.
my life sucks,
i mean, no one makes it suck
i myself ruin it!
i am pensive and usually draw in class
i enjoy surfing the internet for 5 hours a day
and reading some silly lit
there's something in my mind,
something i cant identify
something i cant deny
something that makes me wanna sleep in formaldehyde..
no attentions at school
no revisions at home
no homework is finished
yeah, that's heaven
everyone is a problemchild.. Current Mood: thirsty
|Friday, November 10th, 2006|
you know, i had a piano recital concert last Sunday
i'd like to let you know -- it sucked!
i played horribly coz i couldnt hear what i was playing!
stupid boyfriend of my teacher put the microphone around the lower octaves!
so it appeared to everyone that i played the bass so loud
i didnt really know what i was playing
it happened so fast
i played aggressively , you know, the PHANTOM
OF THE OPERA IS THERE...
i couldnt hear the music so i played really LOUD
and it got faster and faster , without a doubt..
my mom said it was pretty bad
however , i did absolutely cool with the six hands
i mean , a song that played by 3 people
forget about it
i dont know why i typed these stupid stuffs..
Me** Current Mood: i see the MALICE in everyeyes
|Tuesday, October 31st, 2006|
|This, our town of H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N..
hi, sweeties This is Halloween , This is Halloween
Pumpkins scream in the dead of night
I MISS HALLOWEEN SO MUCH!
and finally, here comes the bride...
there's nothing special on Haloween Day , actually
i still have to wear uniform to school
no blood-painted nails
no teased hair
no lovely eyeliner or drawed face
snap your fingers and tap your toes and scream
"School Is B-O-R-I-N-G" for me!!
1 - 2 - 3... BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRING~~~
however, the reason why i miss the day of pumpkin's song so much is
i can smell the sweet rapture in the air on every 31th of October
at least, tomorrow night,
i can feel that, somewhere out there..
there're a lot of children making a scene,
playing trick or treat happily..
like it's mentioned in This Is Halloween Lyric
p'jai sent me this photo the previous day,
a photo of snowy winter in america..
what a melancholy lovely tree..
i hope you like the photo, fellow.. I'M THE CLOWN WITH A TEAR-AWAY FACE
HERE IN A FALSH AND GONE WITHOUT TRACE
enjoy your Halloween, my lovely friends
all i've got is you..
*Me Current Mood: my heart can't contain it
|Monday, October 23rd, 2006|
First of all , welcome to my LJ !
I used to have my LJ account when I was 10 but I did nothing with it. But I think I'll keep taking care of this one as a white daisy. I hope you like it anyway! I've got some stuffs to ramble tonight..
This is my monster named 'Losty', I got him from Nightmare Before Christmas 's Myspace or you can visit the official site to create your Nightmare character.
If you dont know, my friends, Nightmare before Christmas is in theatre now! Everywhere in the world but here! Disney made it 3D and re-released it again! WB's shop in New York has been changed into Jack Skellington Theme for a number of months and now everyone in US or UK or even in Moscow is going to the cinema to watch my favourite film (since i was 5.. my uncle played it for hundred times and i closed my eyes for almost hundred times) and the millions of 3D glasses are being taken home as free souvenirs!!!!
I wanna cry.
I spend my days listening to New Nightmare Soundtrack ; Marilyn Manson's This is Halloween , Fiona Apple's Sally Songs and Fall Out Boy's What's this.
[if you dont know, Marilyn + Fiona + Fall Out Boy + Panic! @the Disco are added to new Nightmare's soundtrack..]
I AM ABSO-BLOODY-LUTELY UNFORTUNATE!
The Nightmare's doubledisc-Soundtrack will available tomorrow ; Oct24
Also the latest album of my dearest "My Chemical Romance"
---- The Black Parade ...
I've watched the music video and it's really ravishing..
I got to go now...
I hope you enjoy this frustrating entry..
Current Mood: frustrated